Confuse

Why is this feeling striking me again?

Remember we had this huge fight at your chalet.. I may forgive but i wont forget. You dont know how hurt i am..My heart seems to have shattered into a million pieces. I never expect this thing from you,the very least not from you. I expect to much from you and my hope for you are as high as the mountain. Well thats my mistake thats the biggest mistake ever cause i expect too much from you.

I miss us too.

Its gonna be our 4 months next saturday.

In this 4 months,slowly i am learning alot of things about you. But for the past 1 month we've been arguing alot. & i hate it. We fought and we make up again. Most of the arguements started because of me and i wont deny that.

For the past 1 month,you changed, you hardly tell me abt your whereabouts, you hardly call, you hardly msg but dont get me wrong! Im not asking you to wht you call it "report "to me 24 hours. You told me once ïf there is anything that is bothering me i shld tell you. But whn i told you You've changed you deny it. and thats one of the arguement that we had. Sometimes, i know that i am being insecure,making assumptions. tht shows i love you soo much. You snapped at me when i told you tht. You reject my calls, you nv reply my msges. For the past 1 month i tried to make things work. Now im tired, not tired of you but tired of trying to make things better whn the end result: dissapointment and arguements. I dn care anymore,i cant be bothered. Tht doesn't mean i don love you anymore i still doo. But for now The dissapoinment tht i am facing now is overtaking the love that i have for you.

tired. Im sorry.

I can even count how many time you say

"ï love you"for the past 1 month.

Or there isnt any to count at all.

everything.

Lately we have been fighting and arguing for no valid reason even if there is i jus find it irrelevant. I want the old syafiq back.

The shafiq tht call me up on the phone even jus for a minute jus to hear my voice.

The shafiq tht nv says pape lah whn we are arguing.

The syafiq tht call me up even how hectic his day is.

I miss the old syafiq period.

Family.

Yesterday was pretty awesome for me.. The whole Rahman's family came over to mummy 's house. Let me tell you, the house almost collapsed,hahahahaha...I love them soo much. Its been so long since all of us get together and spent time and eat together. A family

that stays together eats together. JOnies gf came doen Abangs gf also came down. Uncle saad asked me where is my boyfriend i answered"working night shift lehh"he say bring him over eat together. i smiled ,infact i was so happy tht that sentence came out from uncle's mouth. But it aint gonna be that easy cause i and shafiq need to convinced papa. As for saad

IM SO PROUD OF YOU THAT YOU ARE GONNA BE A FATHER !!!

and for me we will be having a new member in our family.;))

why?

Sometimes i myself have no freaking idea whts wrong with me throwing tantrum at you for no other reasons. Deep down me i jus felt tht im not good enough for you. At times i jus have the sudden urge of picking fault at you.. At times im alright with what you told me abt your past and at times alsoo whn im sitting alone i jus felt insecure and felt that i am jus not good enough for you. Paranoid? I don think sooo...i jus freaking hate this feeling..maybe i jus felt tht im not good enough for you. Fullstop.